Two weeks ago, I was worried.
How was I going to handle going back to school? Would it be too much stress on the family? How was I going to read a textbook that was out of print and didn't seem to really exist in the universe?
And then a friend who had this very class from the same professor lent me her book (thanks again and again, Lisa).
And then - how the heck am I going to read the assigned 12 chapters before class (in 2 days)?! And then, oh. my. gosh. how I am even going to get through this one page of this somewhat dry textbook?
Two Fridays ago, I was home with the kids. It was a beautiful day. They were full of energy, and wanted to DO SOMETHING. But I had this assignment... So, I set up painting on their picnic table on the front porch and slogged through the reading, but it seemed like they "needed" me more than usual.
I was nearly in tears. How was I going to balance home and school. And - work?! Someday I'll get a job again - how was that going to work? Suddenly I felt like I was reading a textbook from my undergraduate classes about modern women who spread themselves too thin. And then I did cry a little, but laughed too.
Then I went to class.
I'm pretty sure I love it.
Because of the difficulty of obtaining the book, nearly no one had read the assignment. Many students, including me, emailed the prof ahead of time to let him know, and he adjusted his plan for class accordingly.
It's going to be a lot to handle, but it's going to be worth it. In the future not all profs will assign 12 chapters before the class starts. And books will be easier to find. And they won't be so heavy on theory. And I can read while the kids are in the bath, and while Willa's at school and Henry's napping. When I'm back to work, I'll get lunch times. Jim gives me the extra time I need, though he's got a whopping plate too (friends, send him your "finishing your thesis" thoughts, please).
I can do this.
More importantly, I want to.