My husband. Sigh. He's pretty wonderful. Last night I had a little freak out about, well, every little thing. As I was talking he said something like, "I wish I had a recording of this. You said almost the same things with your last pregnancy, I'm just remembering."
What was I worried about? Um... me dying.
Or him - in a car wreck on his way to Mt. Pleasant today for work.
But mostly me dying. A few years ago there was a terrible movie out where Jennifer Lopez was married to Ben Affleck and she died in childbirth. Only after Jim's words did I remember tears running down my face while blubbering "BUT WHAT IF I DIE LIKE J-LO?!"
I am not likely to die like J-Lo. I know. But this is the irrational portion of pregnancy.
So during this little freak out, Jim held me and calmed every fear. And mostly didn't laugh.
Willa's still singing "Three Little Birds." It's a reassuring mantra: "every little thing's gonna be all right."
As I type our son is shifting inside of my belly. I go to the doctor this afternoon, and we will have a pretty serious talk with possible actions to follow about keeping me and the little guy healthy while my blood pressure is still too high.
Today I've been thinking about the possibility of an induction vs. my wishes for a totally natural birth. I'm at peace with the fact that we'll do what's in the best interest for baby and I. Jim pointed out last night that while I may not have exactly the birth I've envisioned/wanted, we'll have the child that we have and do.
It is now 9 pm, and it's been a roller coaster of a day. I wrote the above before my afternoon appointment.
My blood pressure is still very high. The doctor was ready to send me to get this show on the road. The concern here, by the way is that high blood pressure ages a placenta quicker, and we need the little guy to get all those final nutrients. Also, high blood pressure is not so healthy for me. So, she wanted to send me, and I wanted to go. But she wanted to check with a specialist. I went home to wait for the decision, but felt sure today was the day.
The specialist wants us all to wait. I go for a few tests tomorrow to make sure he's doing all right in there. If all looks good, but the blood pressure stays up, AND if the baby hasn't come on his own, we'll induce on Sunday.
So, I have a deadline. I'm now dilated between 4 and 5 cm, so I've definitely been doing my homework.