One chance - no pressure

Because of the recent milestone, I'm been somewhat sentimental so far this month. Yesterday I was having a daydream about how much I'm in love with Willa while listening to NPR at the same time. The dichotomy got me philosophical. I started thinking about how every person - ever - used to be a baby. Every person used to be a fetus and, if they were lucky, their mom would rub her belly at night dreaming of holding her newborn, and helping that baby take shape into an adult. Even the guy who went to his office this week and shot and killed the mother of a family I grew up with. Even the president of Iran. Whoever ran that red light on the way home had a mom. She probably would have been terrified to see how he drove. My daycare nemesis mom probably took her mom's breath away when she first rolled over, first took steps. Then she probably disappointed her mom when she became a self-centered bitch (I'll have to tell you about her a different time). So... everyone had a mom, and everyone was a baby and cue Elton John singing "the Circle of Life" and/or DUH! I know, I know...

It's in the face of its common experience: how mundane pregnancy and childbirth and parenting is, that I'm amazed at how sacred this motherhood thing is. Why is my experience any different - why do I feel the need to write about it for myself as well as family, friends, and folks who stumble on this accidental? Because so far this is the most important do it yourself (not myself, ourselves - Jim and I, and hey, thanks village) projects I've been a part of. I get one chance with Willa to raise someone who will be a good person, someone who will be on NPR for positive reasons, someone who I am trying to be. I want my kid to do better than me, but not just financially. And because it's one chance with one person, it's huge!! And we all feel that, in different ways, us moms. It's an important job, and I'd like that not to be a cliche.

I guess if we really screw her up, we can rely on our other (not yet in production) kid(s), but then they'll be all new and precious and exposed to a bad seed. See, it's big doin's.

Also, if it doesn't stop snowing I might just over think myself to crazy. It's physiologically time for me to be in the garden. All this time indoors is making me nutso. We might be done throwing parties for that groundhog!