Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Update #284

My husband. Sigh. He's pretty wonderful. Last night I had a little freak out about, well, every little thing. As I was talking he said something like, "I wish I had a recording of this. You said almost the same things with your last pregnancy, I'm just remembering."

What was I worried about? Um... me dying.

Or him - in a car wreck on his way to Mt. Pleasant today for work.

But mostly me dying. A few years ago there was a terrible movie out where Jennifer Lopez was married to Ben Affleck and she died in childbirth. Only after Jim's words did I remember tears running down my face while blubbering "BUT WHAT IF I DIE LIKE J-LO?!"

I am not likely to die like J-Lo. I know. But this is the irrational portion of pregnancy.

So during this little freak out, Jim held me and calmed every fear. And mostly didn't laugh.

Willa's still singing "Three Little Birds." It's a reassuring mantra: "every little thing's gonna be all right."

As I type our son is shifting inside of my belly. I go to the doctor this afternoon, and we will have a pretty serious talk with possible actions to follow about keeping me and the little guy healthy while my blood pressure is still too high.

Today I've been thinking about the possibility of an induction vs. my wishes for a totally natural birth. I'm at peace with the fact that we'll do what's in the best interest for baby and I. Jim pointed out last night that while I may not have exactly the birth I've envisioned/wanted, we'll have the child that we have and do.

It is now 9 pm, and it's been a roller coaster of a day. I wrote the above before my afternoon appointment.

My blood pressure is still very high. The doctor was ready to send me to get this show on the road. The concern here, by the way is that high blood pressure ages a placenta quicker, and we need the little guy to get all those final nutrients. Also, high blood pressure is not so healthy for me. So, she wanted to send me, and I wanted to go. But she wanted to check with a specialist. I went home to wait for the decision, but felt sure today was the day.

The specialist wants us all to wait. I go for a few tests tomorrow to make sure he's doing all right in there. If all looks good, but the blood pressure stays up, AND if the baby hasn't come on his own, we'll induce on Sunday.

So, I have a deadline. I'm now dilated between 4 and 5 cm, so I've definitely been doing my homework.


Maribeth said...

Hang in there!!! Sorry you are going through this. Can't wait to hear good news about Bubba (which is my guess on his name) ha ha

Shana said...

Hopefully tomorrow you'll have some answers. And no worries about dying. YOU ARE NOT GOING TO DIE! But now I'm slightly worried that I might! LOL! Hang in there and let us know if you need anything.

--Lindsay-- said...

Jim sounds like a wonderful husband.

I'm excited to see pictures and learn the name of your little guy! The clues are driving me crazy :o)

Karrie said...

Good Luck this weekend! Sounds like Jim knows just how to calm you down, and make you laugh.

Can't wait to hear about the new little one!

Keri said...

The waiting game at this poinnt must be terribly frustrating.

You and your growing family have been in my thoughts. I check your blog twice a day like clockwork for updates.

Hang in there. You've almost reached the finish line.

Em said...

This rollercoaster is the worst test on all of your emotions. I know from experience :o)

What I can reassure you with though, is that in only a very short time, your beautiful son will be in your arms. And you will be staring into his eyes and all of this will be forgotten.

Thinking about you,

Em (and Charlie, who's currently sleeping in my arms :o)

Kerri said...

Wishing you all the best!

AmyinMotown said...

OMG I am so glad I am not the only person who was convinced she would die in childbirth. Not "worried" I would, was ABSOLUTELY SURE I would. Like weeping thre night before I went in to have Will because I was SURE I was never going to see Maggie again. And, you know, two babies later I am still here. And recovered just ridiculously fast both times, even--faster with Will! Hopefully that's reassuring :-).

Christina said...

Yay for Sunday. You hang in there now and try to stay calm and not worry so much. I love what you said about it not being the birth you wanted but for the rest of your life, you'll have the son you wanted. Great perspective. I'm so happy for you already! You are going to love this!

Anonymous said...

warm thoughts are being sent your way! yahoo sinkis!

Cheers to a Healthy delivery and healthy baby!
heather g